we like to watch you laughing.

i am currently obsessed with 2 (+1) things:

• beatniks [thank you jack kerouac]
• hoarders [this show totally blows my mind...i cant stop watching it]
• (intervention) [duh...anything that involves drug addictions i dig (beat word)]

somewhere i'm not scatterbrained.

its early... i woke up for a run before church... all this thanksgiving food is making me feel gross...

the title of my reading today is the absoluteness of jesus christ...i hope this means something to you as it has for me today...

" the type of christian experience in the new testament is that of personal passionate devotion to the person of Jesus Christ. every other type of christian experience , so called, is detached from the the person of Jesus. there is no regeneration, no being born again into the kingdom in which Christ lives, but only the idea that he is our pattern. in the new testament Jesus Christ is saviour long before he is pattern. today he is being despatched as the figurehead of a religion, a mere example. he is that, be he is infinitely more; he is salvation itself, he is the Gospel of God."

but darling, i wish you well.

tonight, i made pumpkin pie bites for tomorrow... they didn't turn out as expected...adding the chocolate was a little hard...but they taste good... and i assume thats all that matters!

i also, started on the road this after noon. i really like it so far...

wherever i go.

i just finished my last paper for the quarter... i had to stay up all night... but its done. i think its pretty good. since i only have 4 grades for the class, it needs to be good.

i got an email from one of my professors yesterday. he wants me to enroll in a philosophy class he is teaching next quarter. this made me feel good- sometimes, i think i'm not as smart or creative as others; in his email he explained otherwise... it made me feel good.

i stumbled upon this poem today. i hope you enjoy it as much as i have...

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond by E. E. Cummings

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond

any experience,your eyes have their silence:

in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,

or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look will easily unclose me

though i have closed myself as fingers,

you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens

(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and

my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,

as when the heart of this flower imagines

the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals

the power of your intense fragility:whose texture

compels me with the color of its countries,

rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes

and opens;only something in me understands

the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)

nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

idonthavetimetomaintaintheseregrets,whenithinkbabouttheway, he loves us.

i went to a "party" at one of my professors apartment friday night. it was very interesting, especially because i have a teacher crush on him! this new life in chicago is so weird... like people were getting drunk at his party... i did make friends with his wife. she is japanese. i love all people from asia. i feel like i have some connection with them. she also made incredible sushi.

i left chicago yesterday afternoon. i was sort of sad to leave... as hard as that is to believe! it was nice to not be cold when i got off the plane though.

tonight, i participated in a worship night at my church. i read a spoken word. i was so nervous. my hand was noticeably shaking. it ended up being ok though... i got really into it and sort of went off at the end... it was nice to do something like that though. the worship team is going to germany for europe's winterfest (which is like a youth conference)... they want me to come with them... maybe it will work... it would rule so much...keep your fingers crossed for me.

sidenote: i ran into a girl i knew and she told me that a close friend of mine is not a christian anymore... i'm really sad... his wife is a theology major at georgia state and i guess kinda went the other direction (or thats what she told me)...its just really disheartening...

i read this verse this morning... and it really got me thinking...

"but love your enemies, and do good, and lend expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. be merciful, even as your Father is merciful."

luke 6:35-36

i began really thinking of how kind and merciful to the ungrateful and evil that God is.... can you just think about that for a second... He is kind to the ungrateful and evil... my mind is blown... its so awesome how great God is... how big His love is.

oh mother, i can feel the soil falling over my head...

i have no room mate this week. life is sad with no one to talk to. i find myself having full blown conversations with myself... needless to say, i was made to have a companion with me at all times... does this make me needy... maybe... but not in the bad way, hopefully...

i missed the test i was supposed to take yesterday... bum-out! i left over an hour early, as not to be late... relying on public transportation sucks sometimes... my train was late and then when i got to my "stop", i couldn't find the place... it was so early in the morning that no one was around to help... by the time i saw people it was too late...100 bucks down the drain... it was a beautiful morning though... i was so close to the lake that i walked home... there i was, at 7am walking along the lake with tears in my eyes and no one to talk to (i didn't bring my phone- it was "forbidden" at the test site)... poor me, right...

today i woke up and went for a run... this run turned into a half marathon... i was feel'n it, so i went with it... along the way, i saw the test site- i wanted to blow it up... instead i sighed and kept running...

tonight at church, i was inspired by something my pastor said. he is doing a series using psalm 34, he focused on verse 3 tonight- "oh magnify the lord with me..." he said something that really got me thinking- magnification doesn't change the size of something, it brings that something into focus. life is hard, and really sucks the majority of the time (sad, but honest)... its so easy to focus all attention on "me"(whats specifically going on with me, "my" world...), that we lose sight of the main purpose- magnifying God, bringing glory to him. one of the fruits of the spirit is self control. if you are a christian, you should be exhibiting these fruits... i have been thinking a lot about self control in general... self control is not circumstance control- i will magnify the lord if everything is awesome. self control is choosing to magnify God when life is not perfect or what you planned... self control is understanding that what God has destined for you is better; it is putting all focus on God because you trust him.

and you're too smart to act so dumb.

sometimes, i really love shuffle on my ipod. i couldn't make a better mix than the one i am currently listening to.

tomorrow morning, i am taking 1 of 4 tests to be a teacher. i hope i do well.... actually, i just hope i pass. i am extremely bad at math- this is no understatement...i'm really bad. i have taking practice tests, trying to remember algebra and geometry...high school was a long time ago... and because of my poor math skills and laziness, i took contemporary math in college.... basically, i'm screwed. keep your fingers crossed for me... or say a prayer... whatever....

i spoke with one of my best friends today, who informed me of a great blog [ http://seaofshoes.typepad.com/ ] (if you like fashion). i hate to admit this, but the writer of the blog is 17... [insert judgements here...i can take it]

put your hand in mine. we will go skating...on the thinnest ice we can find

i have been extremely busy with the quarter at a close... i am almost finished with everything- 1 test and 1 paper left... all things education have taken over my life; it will be nice to think about other things/read "fun" books.

since i will be returning home (note: i use the word loosely, in that i can not really claim a particular place "home"), a friend (who is a music pastor) asked me to do a spoken word for a thanksgiving-type service his church is having... i do not think 'spoken words' really fit with who i am now, but i agreed to do it nonetheless... here are some lines of the one i am reading...

"He is beauty

oranges

blues

every hue

every shade

sunset and sunrise, whisper his name

He is holy

different

made human, became human, forgave human

He is spirit

He cannot be touched

explained

like sweet seconds of of prayers

like grandmother on knees

wood-floor bare

He is son

distinctly three

distinctly one

the only one

the only wise

the only resurrector of lives"

i am actually really excited about this. i was practicing tonight (my room mate is not here, so it was ok). i think i am going to "say" it to a m83 song... we'll see...

keep me burning, keep me burning.

"and now the Lord says, he who formed me from the womb to be his servant..." Isaiah 49:5

"the whole human race was created to glorify God and enjoy him forever. sin has switched the human race on to another track, but it has not altered God's purpose in the tiniest degree; and when we are born again we are brought into the realization of God's great purpose for the human race, viz., i am created for God, He made me. this realization of the election of God is the most joyful realization on earth, and we have to learn to rely on the tremendous creative purpose of God..... the purpose for which the missionary was created is that he may be God's servant, one in whom God is glorified... beware lest you forget God's purpose for your life."

- oswald chambers

today, i am enjoying God.

justice is a lost cause. evil is epidemic.

i watched a movie tonight that ripped my insides. the idea behind it was that of social justice and the christians response to it. to be perfectly honest, it has been a while since i thought of the world around me like i did tonight. i saw poverty, disease with no way of a cure, child soldiers and prostitutes, war/ terrorism, homelessness... i could go on... its so easy to forget about what is going on every second of every day when it is not going on directly with yourself. as i was watching this movie, i began to slowly sink down in my seat- the images i saw were unsettling for various reasons.... the main, that i felt helpless... so, i see and know all this horrible stuff is going on... but what do i do... what can i do... as a christian, how can i make a difference?

what can i do?

"we cannot do everything and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.this enables us to do something, and to do it very well.it may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for God's grace to enter and do the rest.
we may never see the end results,but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker.we are workers, not master builders, ministers, not messiahs.we are prophets of a future not our own."

excerpt from a prayer by archbishop oscar romero

nobody likes chapped lips.

i had an eventful weekend.

friday: library by day, sushi restaurant with friends by night...

saturday: halloween celebration at a friend from church's apartment. i opted to not spend money on a costume and used my own clothing- i came as an 80s rappers girlfriend. i looked awesome.

sunday: i slept in the latest i have in months...then to church where i met a group of people from europe. i tried speaking french to this one dude... it didn't go over so well... he couldn't really understand my english!

[sidenote: why would anyone from europe want to leave... it just doesn't make sense... thats all i could think about as i was talking with them]

tomorrow, i am going with some others to an inner city high school... at 7am! my church has sort of adopted this school- helping out in various ways. beginning tomorrow, we are starting a breakfast club- encouraging students to come to school (and on time- out of the 1000, only 200 show up on time). this should be interesting...

i will leave you with this to think on...

"without faith it is impossible to please God." hebrews 11:6 .... that verse blows my mind... i mean, seriously... think about it.

"faith must be tried before the reality of faith is actual. "we know that all things work together for good," then no matter what happens, the alchemy of God's providence transfigures the ideal faith into actual reality... God brings us into circumstances in order to educate our faith, because the nature of faith is to make its object real.

-oswald chambers