you bring the drinks. i will bring the bad news. everyone feels like you.

i bought eat pray love at the request of a friend about 3 weeks ago. i finished it in 2 days. needless to say, i really enjoyed it! i could relate so much to the main character, liz - in a weird way. i haven't been married. i'm not a writer. i haven't been with a boyfriend since i was 15. i am searching, trying to figure out who i am though. i feel like i am always searching...
since i can remember back, i have always seemed to align my interests and essentially myself with the boy in my life. like liz, i seem to be whoever i am "with" (i use with loosely).
i have tried to conceal this with a strong personality, subconsciously, i guess.
lately, i have been trying to figure out who it really is that i am. what are the things i really like? am i doing certain things to be like someone else or to gain someone else's attention, to get them to like me?
this is pathetic, i know.
i have written multiple sentences to place here but have erased them all. what more can i say really. i sound depressed. i am not depressed.
i have never known what i wanted to be or do. i hate when people ask me. when i graduated college, i said "i want to change the world." my purpose in that was to make people stop asking me questions, although i was being honest. i want to do something in my life that means something- not because that's what i think, that is what someone else wants me to do.
i am becoming myself (if that even makes sense), so that my life will mean something. maybe this is why i am always so lost feeling - myself was lost.
welcome into my brain.