and even as the threat of hell is disappearing, the threat of losing you is blowing up.

[picture explanations: picture one is a change purse i sewed myself, button and all. picture two is my saturday afternoon at intelligentsia... isn't my cappuccino beautiful]

i have had a very nice weekend.

yesterday, i spent the whole afternoon at intelligentsia (coffee shop). i read a whole book ( i still have one more to go before class at 5:30 tomorrow). the best music ever was playing. i did not even feel the need to pull out my ipod! later that night, i went to some friends house and kept up with the kardashians! seriously, i would join twitter (which is saying a lot) to see what they are doing all the time. i love them and i will not apologize for it. i hate that my apartment building does not have e!.

today, i visited a new church. i really liked it- well, everything but the worship. it was not "bad", just not my "scene". the pastor ruled. i opened my bible and actually took notes for a change. the church also uses the esv bible, which i love.

p.s. i have been listening to david bazan today (all day). his new(est) album is so sad, so sad. i have had it on my ipod for a while, but it was not until today that i actually listened to it. i mean, so sad. heart-breaking.

there's a possibility, oh, there's a possibility.

this afternoon, i ran some errands with friends. the pictures above are some things i thought worthy of showing you. the first is michigan avenue at night with snow- perfect. the second is the kind of valentine i wish to receive. i love cartoon whales. the last just so happens to be my favorite kind of candy. it is the biggest bag i have ever seen. if it did not cost $7 and i wouldn't eat it all in like 2 days, i would have bought it.

i finished true blood. i am completely caught up. i do not know how i am going to wait until june to see what happens... i mean... what happened to bill?!

tonight, i watched the movie adam. i guess it could be classified as a romantic drama-ish... basically a guy who has asperger's syndrome and a girl fall in love. it "felt" a lot like 500 days of summer (but not nearly as good/ "heart hurting"). on that note, why do movies not end on a happy note anymore? why can't two people who have deep feelings (aka love) for each other just be together... the next romantic-esque movie i watch, there must be a happy ending. seriously.

because no one wants to die alone.

i am having a hard time writing a paper, so i decided to write a blog instead.

this may not be the best decision, since i have a lot on my mind... i am just warning you...

things have been pretty good lately. i think i am finally getting over the "shock" of not living in korea. much to my surprise, this has been so hard for me to move on from. i did love my time there, but there was also a lot that went down that was not worth loving... anyway. it has just been really hard for me. school is going well. i have realized that i am really competitive and like being the best. i don't know if this is a good trait, but it has helped me make good grades. at any rate, i like school. i don't ever want to finish. (i think this is mainly due to the fact i have no idea what i am going to do after... be a teacher... but... i have to stop this thought... its too much)

i have been thinking a lot lately about beliefs/values. i sort of have put myself in a situation where i do not completely see my values carried out. i do not mean to say core values, but values none the less. i constantly am asking myself if this thing i have put myself in is where i need to be. did god put me here for a purpose. does god even do stuff like that. i try really hard to see the big picture. i try to not only think about myself, but i feel like in this situation i need to think about myself. [i apologize for the extreme vagueness. i know it must be frustrating.]

on a very unrelated note, i have been obsessed with all things true blood. (duh (if you read my previous post)) it is set in louisiana. i have been listening to all the ryan adams and alternative country i own. i have also (drum roll) been wanting a pair of cowboy boots. i am ridiculous.

i love you blog friends.

god hates fangs.

i have a confession...

my roommate bought the first season of true blood. i finished it in 2 days... i just want you to understand its not another vampire show...

don't judge.

i like it.

if i told you things i did before, told you how i used to be, would you go along with someone like me?

today, i am very upset with myself. i just can't seem to ever follow through...

i was asked to help make goals for the coming year with high school students (the high school my church has sort of adopted- it is a low scoring and underprivileged). i said i would go. this morning, well even last night i decided i didn't want to go anymore. i have so much going on with school right now and i wanted to sleep in. i went. i felt like i had to since i told the leader i would. needless to say, i had a bad attitude about the whole thing. it didn't help that the girl who was picking me up was super late (i could have slept 30 more minutes). so, i get to the school- still mad. the leader puts me with the (new) gym teacher. great. so, i go to the classroom and no one is there. double great. slowly, kids start coming in. [sidenote: i was asked if i was a new student which made my old bones feel good.] so, the class is insane. the gym teacher is way too nice to really settle them down. i mean, kids were dancing, rapping, screaming, sleeping.... insanity. i decided (although i was still bitter about being there) that i would do my best with what i came there to do. in the end, it turned out ok. no kids really took the goal thing serious... well, maybe some did... i will never know. i did laugh a lot, so that was nice. i guess what i'm trying to prove by this story is that i have all these ideas and dreams about helping people and when it comes down to actually doing something, i crumble- i don't want to anything. i hate that i am like this. lately, i have been pushing myself to do the things i have committed to (even when it feels like nails scratching a chalk board- literally). i am trying. i guess that's all i can do.

i think you're lovely. i think you're lovely.

i think i am finally beginning to understand love- what it means and how my life should display it. i have been so challeged lately to act out my ideologies (or faith). it seems like every sermon i hear and even class lecture is about this- being what you say.

tonight i attended a lecture at school commorating dr. martin luther kings life. i listened to a man that was so moved by dr. king that he essentially has patterned his life after him. he said that dr. king was what he envisioned jesus would have been like. can you imagine someone saying that about you. i cant even begin to think about that. i know that i have heart but i lack follow through. he also talked about the "word becoming flesh". it was interesting that he used this analogy, as most people in the room were not of the christian faith. he said that most (christians) view this as God become flesh in the form of Jesus, but he views it another way- that our faith, that whatever we believe in should manifest itself. i loved this. whatever we say, we should act out. it is such an elementary concept, but is rarely applied.

i hope that i can follow kings example of living out my faith in way that changes the world.

you showed up with a black eye, looking to start a fight.

sometimes i need a break from reading and/or thinking...

lately, i have been really into photography. i find myself spending hours looking at all kinds of photographs. here are some recent favorites.