if i told you things i did before, told you how i used to be, would you go along with someone like me?

today, i am very upset with myself. i just can't seem to ever follow through...

i was asked to help make goals for the coming year with high school students (the high school my church has sort of adopted- it is a low scoring and underprivileged). i said i would go. this morning, well even last night i decided i didn't want to go anymore. i have so much going on with school right now and i wanted to sleep in. i went. i felt like i had to since i told the leader i would. needless to say, i had a bad attitude about the whole thing. it didn't help that the girl who was picking me up was super late (i could have slept 30 more minutes). so, i get to the school- still mad. the leader puts me with the (new) gym teacher. great. so, i go to the classroom and no one is there. double great. slowly, kids start coming in. [sidenote: i was asked if i was a new student which made my old bones feel good.] so, the class is insane. the gym teacher is way too nice to really settle them down. i mean, kids were dancing, rapping, screaming, sleeping.... insanity. i decided (although i was still bitter about being there) that i would do my best with what i came there to do. in the end, it turned out ok. no kids really took the goal thing serious... well, maybe some did... i will never know. i did laugh a lot, so that was nice. i guess what i'm trying to prove by this story is that i have all these ideas and dreams about helping people and when it comes down to actually doing something, i crumble- i don't want to anything. i hate that i am like this. lately, i have been pushing myself to do the things i have committed to (even when it feels like nails scratching a chalk board- literally). i am trying. i guess that's all i can do.