lately i have been feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. my eyes or mind have become more aware of what is going on around me. i get overwhelmed by how many people are hurting and how many people that are just lost... lost. last night, in class, i was listening to people talk about the articles assigned that dealt with social justice issues in education- basically how social justice and education are one in the same. i heard many people speak so selfishly. it really broke my heart to hear people wanting to be a teacher solely because they cant find a job right now- or people who only wanted to work in homogeneous classrooms... i was blown away and... just saddened. i watched a man last night buy a coffee at mcdonalds with pennies. as he was counting i just wanted to swipe my debt card and pay for it myself, but i didn't. why can i never act on what i am thinking. i see all these types of people. people i could help in some way or another and i don't. and then i end up thinking about it for the next couple of days making myself sick that i do nothing. on the other hand, i have been so encouraged on my walk with God lately. for the first time in a long time i am actively pursuing a closer relationship with him. i think really it took me so long to get over the fact that i had lost my way, in a sense. for a long time i was not acting in such a way that was "good" (holy, noble, upright...). i know God forgave me (when i asked for forgiveness) but i didn't feel forgiven. i felt like every time i would pray (etc) God would turn away from me because of my sin. it really hasn't been until lately i have (for lack of better word) received his forgiveness/ not felt condemned. it feels good.
i am now a youth leader at my church. i feel honored that God trusts me with this role.
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