in adam all die

i still do not have a lap top, but my trips to school are becoming more frequent. all that to say, i have more than 15 minutes to be on the internet (note, the public library in chicago has insane rules and insane computer time limits).
today was a hard day. i actually woke up in a good mood this morning. i usually dont. i try and force a smile and good thoughts. that lasts about 15 minutes and then.... well.... the process continues all day.
my roommate and i went to the chicago public school system office to try and get a job as a sub or something of the nature. it was a terrible experience. people were so rude and it didnt even make sense. we were told nothing we have done in the past amounts to anything to them. some of them laughed at us. the only thing we could do is volunteer. i would love to volunteer, but i have to make money. i hate feeling the pressure of having to make a certain amount of money to live. i guess this is all part of growing up. it sounds ridiculous really, i know that i live in a society where i have to make money- living is just so expensive. i hate money. i hate talking about money. i hate constantly thinking about it- and not in a way like i want things, but thinking about it so i can have enough to eat and pay bills. korea taught me a lot about money. i miss korea.
this post has a sort of depressed feeling. im not depressed. im actually hopeful. i dont know why- i feel like good things will come soon. i guess, i am fully aware of gods control of my life. he orchestrated all this before i was thought of. i trust him, i really do.
yesterday i was speaking with someone about god. i like talking about god. i said something to this person that was really bold. i didnt realize how bold it was until after i had said it. i shocked myself at the abrasiveness of my statement. " all people who have not accepted jesus christ as their lord and savior are going to hell." those of us who have been in church know this statement and we believe it but we would never actually tell a sinner this. i understand sensitivity. i guess i am just tired of hearing people justify their sin and in turn justifying the sin of a sinner (someone who does not know jesus). sin does not come from light. i could go on. i guess im saying that im proud. im proud, i actually said what i really believe. as harsh as that person took it, its truth.
tonight, im going to the library. i love reading.